Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Tiggered Thoughts

So I have been reading this book called "I'm Too Young To Have Breast Cancer" by Beth Leibson-Hawkins. It makes me feel normal.

Recently, I have let my schedule get really busy. I think it has helped my spirits somewhat, but after having an evening at home tonight I am realizing how tired I am. It is a real struggle to balance my busyness that I am accustomed to and getting real rest. The book I am reading is full of stories about women going through the same battle. Some women have come to realize that being still is nice and they take drastic actions to slow down. Others keep doing what they have always done. This is my tendency. It makes me (and the women) feel more alive and more like the person I was pre-cancer.

My life feels turned upside down. I find myself needing to sit down more. There is a noticeable change in my arm strength. I almost cried when I could not hold my nephew Jakson for more than just a few minutes. My face is breaking out again. I find myself getting more impatient. After walking on Saturday, I could not move the rest of the day. This is not me. It is not who I want to be.

I know things will change. I know they will get better. Pep talks are huge and needed. I have not gone to my support group lately. I haven't felt like it. I am thankful the girls still come to my treatments though. I just don't want to be in a group setting talking about cancer right now. I am starting counseling next week. Hopefully, one on one will be more beneficial. I find encouragement in the books, blogs, and articles I read. There is hope for good things after all there is a lot of good surrounding me now. I just need to keep in mind the physical stuff will change again.

Change... I think that sums up my life.

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