Saturday, April 19, 2008

Singleness, Part III (The Struggles)

While I know without a shadow of a doubt that there are struggles that come with marriage, I have not had to face any of those yet. Here are some things that singles struggle with...

1) Loneliness... Does this come from having one too many Friday nights on the couch alone or from knowing what companionship is and not having it? I am not sure. Either way I think every single probably at some point has dealt with this issue. I think moments where I am most lonely is after I have made a big dinner for a group of people and then they end up leaving for the night afterwards.
2) Self-Doubt... Sometimes you might look at some screwed up person who is just utterly happy in a relationship. You wonder how they got that. Then you think that there must be some obvious characteristic you posses that accounts for why you are single. Obvious, that is, to everybody but you... Maybe it is that extra 10 pounds you carry in your thighs, that horrid way you sneeze, the way your shoes always manage to find every piece of toilet paper on the floor, your desire to have a son named Kermit or that big sweat mark you have on your shirt after working out (note: others did not see you working out, but they did just see you stand up... sweat from sitting?!!?) You can become obsessive with the things you think are wrong with you, instead of just being comfortable in your own skin.
3) Becoming set in your ways... While this struggle might come with a prolonged time of singleness... (i.e.- 40+ year old men who still live at home with their mommas) it can hit anyone at any age. I have seen many a female my age being too stubborn about things for their own good. How are you going to really love if you cannot look past the fact that dishes are not a priority for someone else?
4) Flirting with anything... When you have been starved for attention and someone flirts with you, you might go a little overboard on the flirting. With only one guy in this city, I am amazed at what I do and say when I am around other men. While flirting is not a big deal, if you overly-flirt it leads to that horribly awkward talk about how you really don't have feelings for that other person; you just fished for compliments; you wanted to battle struggle#2; and you look like the biggest jerk on the face of the planet. Not to mention, you are more upset with yourself because really, what were you thinking?!?! The guy is going bald, does not have a job and lies to his mother!
5) Sexual purity... this applies to any state you might be in. We have to admit that we have sex drives. (Although churches like to teach that you only have one after you are married... and if you don't have a sexual urges then thank your lucky stars!) I have seen many a friend fall into unhealthy, seduced by Satan, ways to satisfy their desires. Instead of talking about this struggle and holding each other accountable, we sneak off into the privacy of our own homes and lie to ourselves saying "This is the last time." While dating might even cause more struggles with purity, I struggle with it while being single too. I have gotten myself into a very scary and very real situation in the past where I could have hurt countless others all because I could not take control of purity. Shameful, yes, but I know I am not the only one who has been in this boat.
6)Putting walls up... Whether it be not wanting to go out on a date again because of that last buffoon or not wanting to hear about how your best friend's husband surprised her with flowers and a manicure at TIBA, single people often build walls for countless reasons. Sometimes you don't even realize that you have put up a wall. Looking back, that was a very nice guy who just asked me out and I gave him the excuse that my turtles need to be feed! When you put up walls, you are often also putting up barriers against those who might can understand your struggles. You playing defense against those you can help you win the ball game! Silly...

While it is easy to joke about struggles, they are very real. I wish I could say that I had all the answers, but sadly I am not a guru of love/singleness. All I can say is that one day someone is going to find that Southern accent of yours adorable! Next post on some lesson learned...


  1. Well said Beth, we all have those struggles being single.

  2. beth... here in America we use dogs... lol you have been in china way to long. but on a serious note i am impressed with your thoughts. I love you and im glad you realized you don't need a man to make you happy! i love you beth and cant wait to see you this summer.