Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Just Call Me Spaghetti...

It really is amazing how much has happened in the past year... but the last few weeks in particular have been exceptionally full.

I have been diagnosed with Stage II Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. It has spread to my lymph nodes. I have started chemo. I will go every 3 weeks for 5 months.

There, I just blog-vomited.

Yesterday was my first round of treatment. My first treatment consisted of a drug called Avastin. I just sat for what seemed like forever while the drug was pumped through my veins. Thank goodness for the company of Linda and Ellie, some chickas from my support group. Linda painted my toenails a rockin' pink. I got home safely with relatively little side effects which is a blessing. I slept most of the afternoon and felt numb on the left side of my body.

This morning I managed to make it to school. (Thanks to my driver! ;) ) While walking the kids back from the restroom my legs semi-gave out. Basically, they feel like spaghetti. We got back to the classroom and I taught for a little while from my chair. When the kiddos went to related arts, I went home. This really seems ridiculous, but I cannot walk. Brad, Justin, and Amy have taken turns walking me from one room to another and each time I swear I am not moving again. Really praying this is a one day side effect and that I can go back to school tomorrow.

I wish I could say that I was doing well, but I am a mess. I cannot cry which has always been my outlet for things. I seriously cry for like 2 seconds and then I am done. I don't feel any better. I find myself getting so frustrated because I am tired, feel sore, etc. I feel like I am being a burden (don't correct me now... maybe I am not, but I feel like I am) I am scared of losing my hair. I am scared of something happening at school. I am scared of people feeling like I can't do my job.

I am grateful for the huge outpouring of love people have shown. I have gotten some beautiful flowers (thanks Lindsey and Joe!), great phone calls (David and Katie...) and masses of emails. My family has been amazing and now I get to hear almost all of their voices daily. ;) And you know the House of Awesome has been exceptionally awesome... So yeah, I have quite the support system and I feel loved.

Looks like I am in for some ups and downs, but in the midst of it all, there is hope. Someone is carrying me and will see me through. You can just call me spaghetti...


  1. I love you Beth. You are dear to my heart as well as my family's heart. Audrey Beth and I will pray for you each night when we say her bedtime prayers. And as I said on your facebook page, It's high time for our Paula Deen night! I'll come to you if need be!! Always, Michelle

  2. Love You, Spaghetti. And you know, spaghetti is Rachel's all time fav! Hope you have a relaxing, peaceful weekend! Thinking of you.... as always

  3. Very inspirational speech I loved how he aimed for our kids of today to plan for tomorrow, its not giving them political empowerment or guiding them in the wrong direction as the media portrayed but its giving them hope that through all the struggles and storms you may cross you will come out the hero In the end way to go Mr. President.