Last night I watched a Lifetime film called "Five." I cried. I know, I know. Lifetime. Big surprise. I watched it though because it was a collection of five stories from people who have been affected by breast cancer. Jennifer Aniston, Demi Moore, Alicia Keys and other directed the short films. (If you are interested in seeing it, you can find it on Hulu.)
The ending to me especially hit home. All of the survivors got to kiss a wall plaque they designed when they hit the five year mark. It was a little piece of closure that most people need in a big life event. I guess I see this 3-Day walk as closure for me. While I am by no means at the five year mark, I am ready to shut a door. I am ready to say that I can move on with my life and achieve other things.
I feel as though I have been living in fear in some ways. November is coming up. November of last year is when I was told that there was once again cancer cells. More than once the thought of the cancer returning has popped into my head. Will I hear the same thing next month?!?
The fear of never feel pretty like I once saw myself has been something that has paralyzed me. I was set free of those chains a couple of weekends ago when I was in my friend Renee's wedding. I put contacts in for the first time in over a year. I got my hair styled and pulled up at a salon. (Bless the sweet hairdresser's heart! I cried so hard and at first she thought it was because I didn't like it.) I got my nails painted. A makeup artist fixed me up. I wore my pearls. I got to wear a beautiful black dress (most of you know my love of black dresses!). I got to walk down the aisle with pride. I got to celebrate my friends marriage without feeling self-conscious. Renee will never understand what she did for me. Each day I wake up a little earlier because once again I feel like looking presentable.
(With my friend Amanda on the Pankakes wedding day)
Thank you to each of you who have shown support.
Amy and I leave on Thursday for Atlanta. I am sure there will be stories to tell...